I guess the most painful part this year is knowing I can't attend not even one show of their tour. And it's even more painful when it's so close yet it's
so far. I've been in this fandom for nearly 3 years and it pains me when people who are close to me
still don't understand how much this mean to me.
To the world, it may be just 13(/15) men but to me, they are the world. "Oh, they don't even know you", "Why waste your money on them?" -- they may not know me, but they have been in a way or another some sort of motivation for me; I may be wasting my money but to me, that's my form of dedication. The tears I shed for them, the amount of shits I have went through just to see them. I may sound pathetic and psycho-ish but 3 years isn't a short period of time. It's not easy forgetting someone who has been part of your life for 3 years. Why can't people understand that?
I feel like even since O's are coming, it's taking me away from the fandom and I'm trying so hard to hold on. I just can't wait for O's to be over so that I can embrace them all over again like how I did the past 2 years.
I don't wish for a better day anymore now cause' it seems that there are none left for me. This year will be full of agony. Now Nur Syazwani, move on and good luck.
