the feeling is as if the whole world has turned their backs on you. as if you're on your own now. there's no one around. no one who cares. 'family' and 'friends' are just a title. what family? what friends? where's everyone when i'm feeling like shit now?
it's so fucking tiring to cry. i couldn't even cry at the beginning and now my jaw fucking hurts sobbing while i'm typing. also, my chest hurts. like an idiot. like a fucking idiot. it's always like this.
i don't even know what the actual fuck am i feeling. hurt? that i realized that i actually have no one by my side now? angry? that those fuckers who claimed they will be there, is not here right now? that my own mom picks her own fucking boyfriend? happy? that i didn't do something stupid or say something stupid and just contain everything? i don't know. i really don't.
i'm sick of crying. i'm sick of understanding -wait, no- of TRYING to understand because i swear to god, i don't get anything at all.
hahaha look at me, i;m typing all these and malay o's is tomorrow.
i just.... hate myself. hate my fucking guts. i don't have the courage to live and i don't have the courage to die either.
