I really wonder how many posts of me whining and (crying behind the screen) I will gather in this year.. I'm not sure if it's the big O's stress or is it just everything. And by everything I mean, my strong exterior is finally cracking. It's beginning to have scratches and every now and then, I'll break down.

Shit happens, cry, blog, get over it. Shit happens again, cry, blog, get over it. Same old cycle. And really, I'm so damn numb now. It doesn't hurt no more because I don't feel anything at all. Maybe it's true when RW said I've no feelings. I didn't smile when I saw Abah's number appearing on my phone after 2 months and I didn't felt sad too when my own mom used profanity on me.

I've gotten so used to it, to feeling numb. To telling myself that it doesn't matter. My opinions, my thoughts, my feelings; all of it, it doesn't matter. And I'm scared of not feeling anything because I don't feel human.... at all. It's like I'm just a piece of puppet life's toying with and I'm absolutely fine with it because I don't have any feelings?

"My life is a rainy night that rains 365 days. Heart that gets smaller in every 24 hours."

Epik High probably wrote that song for me, ha-ha. I really believe that there are no more happy days for me this year. Starting from now, it's gonna be dull. Black and white. Life's tough.... but I'll try to hold on.